Do they know it's Christmas time at all?

Notice the 'Band-Aid' reference. Were they singing to New Zealand, or just Africa?

It's Christmas time? Surely where you are, the wreaths are on the doors and the lights are on the trees (inside and out if you have ANY spirit at all...and don't get me started on fake trees. There wasn't a fake tree next to the wise men, therefore there shouldn't be one in your house.)

Not so in the newest of all Z's. Evergreen? More like Nevergreen! Christmas carols? NOPE. Lots of Beyonce ('To Da Left, To Da Left') and Bon Jovi. Sure, they have Santa's sleigh coming through here, but have you ever seen Santa's sleigh pushing a volcano plugged by Mrs. Claus? Well we have! Czech it out:

SCARY ISN'T IT!!!

This blasphemous photo was taken at "Coca-Cola Christmas in the Park!" (corporate mongrels!), the annual celebration of the holidays. It included a handful of Christmas songs, all sung in beautiful harmony, which was great---except for the lack of balancing melody. Weird. Try it sometime.

While we got to hear some Christmas songs, we were also blessed with pop and oldies (Beyonce covers, and 10-year-olds singing songs about the alphabet). . . you know, the standard Christmas celebration songs. We went with our new friend, Pip, and she brought good food and strawberry spirits, so the atmosphere was light. It turned out to be more like "Karaoke Christmas in the Park," which we thought was funny.

I digress...

I imagine that the Christmas parades are up and running (fast parades!). Christchurch certainly has a parade of it's own, and as you can probably guess, it's not very Christmas-y at all. Instead of "Deck the Halls," or "Jingle Bells," we heard Justin Timberlake's new hit "My Love" lip-sung by a radio DJ. It was not uncommon to see the parade come to a screeching halt so kids could jump over one another on their BMX bikes, or some ladies affiliated with some Thai organization could do the electric slide (mad skillz), or because people were audibly mocking this guy:

Needless to say, it wasn't the awesomest parade I've ever seen. There weren't even any volunteer firemen throwing candy. I mean, seriously!

And then there are the decorations. Disappointing to say the least. This is a photograph of our "Christmas" "Tree" (I put both words in air-quotes because I'm not sure which one belongs the most...just check out the picture):
Yes, that is a spray-painted tree limb in a metal milk pitcher with ornaments and tinsel strewn about. Look at the excitement on my face at the sight of my present.

It's fake--The excitement and the present.

And our Nativity Scene: Notice the chili pepper lights, to represent what was probably a very hot night in that barn. Jerusalem is near the equator, and is surely hot, even in December, but obviously not as hot as present day, what with our global warming and all. . .
(What if bearded Al Gore is right?)

And the large Virgin Mary hovering, almost weightless, over the nativity, mocking the smaller characters, "People see me in grilled cheese sandwiches and clouds and tortillas all year round, they only see you at Christmas! Pathetic!"
She shouts a lot...

OK, now make a double-click on that bad boy. Look closely and you will see none other than SPIDERMAN! Someone has to run security detail on this operation. Who better that spiderman? No one, that's who!

And there's a leprechaun too, just for luck. I imagine he got there late, seeing as how they had the baby in a freakin' barn.

OK, so Christmas Spirit isn't like what we're used to, and we certainly miss you around this time of year. We know that we miss you because you are reading this, and only the people that we love actually read this drivel. So if you aren't reading this, we don't miss you. (That'll show 'em.)

So, Merry Christmas to you! Deck the Halls in our stead.