#12

I'm not very inspired to pen this post, but Emily refuses to write in my stead...she keeps saying something about being seen, but not heard. I didn't know she was like that, but I guess you learn a lot about someone having a blog together.

For everyone who's been pining for a picture of Emily, here you go. I hope you're happy.

I didn't know she was like this either, but the Lord shines favor on some more than others. I certainly am a very lucky man. She is the most amazing wife I've ever had, and I mean that! Honestly, I love her terribly (I don't know if 'terribly' refers to the way I love her or the depth of my love, but it refers to something).

So what's been going on here, you ask? Oh, nothing.

Gabriella came over last week, and we played again. She made up a game called "Ye Olde Laddie's Laundr-o-mat." We played. I lost. Here's a snapshot:

It was fun though.

We also took a trip to Greymouth. It is at the mouth of the Grey river. I'm not sure how they came up with the name. I think it came down to 'Mouth'o'Grey', 'Grey-River-City' and 'Greymouth'. Lesser of 3 evils for sure.

The trip was nice, we took a day off from saying "Welcome to Day-Timer, would you like fries with that?" and took a little smelly bus to the left coast. Once in the city, we took off to a little place called Punakaiki, home of the 'Pancake Rocks':
They were pretty cool, and usually have water shooting up through the rocks, but not a low tide and when Josh and Emily visit. All in all it was good, except for the lack of an IHOP. I mean, what better place for the International House of Pancakes than at the pancake rocks? Probably none. I think it should have looked a little more like this:

The IHOP people could be sitting on a marketing dream-come-true. I'd get some stuffed french toast, at least.
After my business savvy subsided, we continued onward and went for a nature hike with our bus-driver, Reed. It was weird. I felt like an 8th grader on a field trip as he pointed out native plants, told childhood stories, and urged everyone (Me, Emily and Ankor the Indian Guy) to "stay with the group!" It was weird.

We also made a stop at the Monteith's Brewery and did a little tour. GREAT! We walked around the brewery for about 30 minutes, and the sampled for about 45 minutes. Proper proportions indeed! The sampling time included a 10 minute, open-tap free-for-all, which we took full advantage of.
After the brewery trip, we made it home with just one stop for chips, and got ourselves together for our caving trip, which rocked our faces off! Literally. We couldn't get a picture of us in the ridiculous wet-suits we were wearing because our faced were rocked off. Priorities.

And on the bus ride home, Emily almost got sick because Earnhardt in the driver's seat thought it was the Daytona 500, but also managed to find time to stop and pick up the hitch-hiker out of the rain. It was certainly an act of kindness, but our new smelly, dripping friend decided to fill the 4 seat bench we were a part of because the selfish old lady in the front needed 2 to herself.
He sat beside Emily, so everything was fine.

I'll leave you with this:

Ok, Bye!

Do they know it's Christmas time at all?

Notice the 'Band-Aid' reference. Were they singing to New Zealand, or just Africa?

It's Christmas time? Surely where you are, the wreaths are on the doors and the lights are on the trees (inside and out if you have ANY spirit at all...and don't get me started on fake trees. There wasn't a fake tree next to the wise men, therefore there shouldn't be one in your house.)

Not so in the newest of all Z's. Evergreen? More like Nevergreen! Christmas carols? NOPE. Lots of Beyonce ('To Da Left, To Da Left') and Bon Jovi. Sure, they have Santa's sleigh coming through here, but have you ever seen Santa's sleigh pushing a volcano plugged by Mrs. Claus? Well we have! Czech it out:

SCARY ISN'T IT!!!

This blasphemous photo was taken at "Coca-Cola Christmas in the Park!" (corporate mongrels!), the annual celebration of the holidays. It included a handful of Christmas songs, all sung in beautiful harmony, which was great---except for the lack of balancing melody. Weird. Try it sometime.

While we got to hear some Christmas songs, we were also blessed with pop and oldies (Beyonce covers, and 10-year-olds singing songs about the alphabet). . . you know, the standard Christmas celebration songs. We went with our new friend, Pip, and she brought good food and strawberry spirits, so the atmosphere was light. It turned out to be more like "Karaoke Christmas in the Park," which we thought was funny.

I digress...

I imagine that the Christmas parades are up and running (fast parades!). Christchurch certainly has a parade of it's own, and as you can probably guess, it's not very Christmas-y at all. Instead of "Deck the Halls," or "Jingle Bells," we heard Justin Timberlake's new hit "My Love" lip-sung by a radio DJ. It was not uncommon to see the parade come to a screeching halt so kids could jump over one another on their BMX bikes, or some ladies affiliated with some Thai organization could do the electric slide (mad skillz), or because people were audibly mocking this guy:

Needless to say, it wasn't the awesomest parade I've ever seen. There weren't even any volunteer firemen throwing candy. I mean, seriously!

And then there are the decorations. Disappointing to say the least. This is a photograph of our "Christmas" "Tree" (I put both words in air-quotes because I'm not sure which one belongs the most...just check out the picture):
Yes, that is a spray-painted tree limb in a metal milk pitcher with ornaments and tinsel strewn about. Look at the excitement on my face at the sight of my present.

It's fake--The excitement and the present.

And our Nativity Scene: Notice the chili pepper lights, to represent what was probably a very hot night in that barn. Jerusalem is near the equator, and is surely hot, even in December, but obviously not as hot as present day, what with our global warming and all. . .
(What if bearded Al Gore is right?)

And the large Virgin Mary hovering, almost weightless, over the nativity, mocking the smaller characters, "People see me in grilled cheese sandwiches and clouds and tortillas all year round, they only see you at Christmas! Pathetic!"
She shouts a lot...

OK, now make a double-click on that bad boy. Look closely and you will see none other than SPIDERMAN! Someone has to run security detail on this operation. Who better that spiderman? No one, that's who!

And there's a leprechaun too, just for luck. I imagine he got there late, seeing as how they had the baby in a freakin' barn.

OK, so Christmas Spirit isn't like what we're used to, and we certainly miss you around this time of year. We know that we miss you because you are reading this, and only the people that we love actually read this drivel. So if you aren't reading this, we don't miss you. (That'll show 'em.)

So, Merry Christmas to you! Deck the Halls in our stead.